Tips for Remaining Close to Your Spouse

Ways to Strengthen Your Marital Relationship

Even if we had the strongest bond with our spouse while we were dating, we can still find that the relationship can feel dryer over time. In order to keep returning to that original spark, we need to put some thought and time into strengthening that bond. Below are some practical things that you and your spouse can do to encourage that sense of closeness into the upcoming years...

1. Spend some time out together every week

Many couples I know will meet for one night a week and go out on a date. This can be anywhere the two of you enjoy together. During that time allow yourselves to enjoy each other, free from talks or preoccupations with kids or house items. Think about the time you met and remember pleasant memories together. The more the both of you agree to do this the happier your time will be and the more it can replenish your relationship.

2. Take at least a few minutes every day to talk about your day

Share your concerns and your joys, or even just what you did that day, for a few minutes at the very least, every day. Of course the more time for sharing the better. Allow your spouse their time to say whatever they want about their own experience that day.

3. Talk about the first time that you met

Recite what you loved about the other person, good memories you have shared, etc. Talk about what you loved and what attracted you to your spouse. When you put your mind back in that time, you can start to feel those feelings like you used to. Then there are those certain memories, whether sweet or humorous, that only the two of you share. Talk about them and remember how it felt being back there. If you begin the sharing, your spouse can be touched by what you felt and encouraged to share how he or she felt as well.

4. Get to know and integrate your spouse’s love language

We all have a way of feeling genuinely loved. Some people feel the most loved through physical affection, some through kind words of admiration, and others through gifts or having tasks done for them. While we all feel loved by each of these actions, some of them make us feel even more special and cared for. Ask your spouse to choose a couple of those languages that make them feel the most loved, and share which of the actions you most relate to. Then try to remember to meet one another with your love languages. A good book for understanding and practicing this is called, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman: http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156

5. Share deep parts of yourselves

Perhaps on your date night, or when you feel is nice private time you share, let your spouse in on your hopes and dreams, your fears and vulnerabilities. Discuss and practice your spirituality together. Research has shown that couples you share their faith have stronger and happier relationships in the long run.

6. Think of little things you can do to show your care

It could be putting a note in your husband's breifcase or in your wife's purse, just to say how much you care. It could be an encouraging word when you know a stressful day is ahead, or just a 'thank you' for all they do. These little efforts end up meaning a great deal.

7. Pray together

If you share your faith and have the desire to develop it together, praying with one another is a great way to not only grow spiritually but also to deepen your marital relationship. It can bring both people into a vulnerable, heartfelt interchange, and it can help you feel like you are on the same team.

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